I want to put something simple and long here at the top. Because I know that people on Twitter and Facebook can read the first few sentences and then they move on. No big deal. Nothing to worry about. But if I can make it long enough, it’ll make them curious, wondering what I’m talking about, click the link and go! It’s a rather exciting prospect. At least for me it is. I don’t really know how long this needs to be but I think I can start now.
See, the thing is, it is a big deal. To me. I want to be famous. I can consider that a few of you would shrug your shoulders and move on. Everyone wants to be famous, right? Well, wrong. I know a considerable amount who are fine just being who they are and with their community. It’s hard because I don’t know how to explain this to you. How do I put it simply?
I want my own fandom. Paparazzi. I want to be a star. I want to be in movies. I want people to know me all over the world.
Right now, I feel almost midlife crisis-y. That my short amount of living hasn’t done me any good. Yes, I have done good things here and there. A good amount of people know me. But what is so hard to explain is that I want so much more than that.
I’m fine living in an apartment and making minimum wage. But I want to be known. I want people all over the world to see my face on tv, magazines, movies, and know who I am.
I started blogging somewhere along that premise. I just want people to know who I am. To be famous. Sure, I don’t post a lot, but I try to make them genuine. I even started reading and following other blogs to help make it happen. And you all have so much fun and interesting stuff to say and show that I don’t regret it.
I want my words to be known. To be proclaimed. I want people to have conversation about me. The famous man.
And all along there, I just want to proclaim God’s name. Famous people have such an amazing opportunity to share the gospel that I’m jealous of them. I live in a small town and barely anyone knows me. I do share my faith with my friends and encourage and pray for them, but I feel it’s not enough. How do I make myself known? How do I get out there? What can I do?
I stayed up late last night just watching my computer screen. Hoping that someone would comment, like, reblog, follow, tweet, or whatever, because I just want to be out there. How do already famous people do it? It seems they’ve been famous all along. It just happened. And not just actors and celebrities, but bloggers as well. There are those blogs that recieve several hundred views everyday and so many comments, followers, and reblogs that I don’t know what to do. I’m beside myself. I have no idea how to explain this in a way you can understand. I’m trying my best.
I imagine myself as an author. Insignificant Author. Trying to get my book out there and published. Just to be known. Except here, the internet, how do I do that? I’m so confused and emotional and just very odd at the moment. This is helpful because I’m writing out sort of what I’m thinking. It’s difficult because I don’t really know how to do it as well as getting all emotional and unsure of things.
I’m really a happy person. I always want to be happy and full of joy. I enjoy that about myself. Right now though, I’m a mix of moods. Slightly happy, because I’m getting this off of my heart, but still in a moderate stage of depressiveness. I probably just need to go outside and get some sun, but I don’t want to that. I want to be famous.