I’m really depressed. I’m going to be honest with you. I know it’s awful, but I’m on the edge of giving up. This happens every now and again and things become resolved, but I’m tired of this cycle. I want things to be right and I don’t want any of this silence. I desperately want to share my predicaments, but I don’t know how. I respect the people involved too much. But, if you are reading this, I am in need of prayer. God has become the main focus of my day, as he should be, but he hasn’t been in a long time. I feel angry and regretful and saddened by the fact that my affections have been going to another that isn’t God.
I’m reflecting on this now. Perhaps among reasons why this hurts so much and why it’s supposed to. I feel like they’re giving their affections and desires and everything to someone else who isn’t me, and that gives me so much pain. That’s probably how God feels about me though. That I haven’t been consistently and desperately running after him and wanting to give my all to him. I’ve been giving it to another.
I imagine that’s how Hosea felt, but I don’t think I could ever know his heart in that. For those of you unaware, Hosea was a servant of God chosen for a very special task. God basically told Hosea to marry a prostitute and be cool with that.
I know, right?! I couldn’t believe it, but that’s what happened. God told Hosea to deliberately marry her, fully knowing that she would be unfaithful. God was using this to demonstrate how his followers were treating him. Basically, God’s followers were married to him, but, as Hosea’s wife, they were being unfaithful. But they turned back to him and God showered his love upon them. The crazy thing is, as I see it, is that Hosea STILL LOVED HER. He never left her and loved her unconditionally. Hosea was completely aware of what she was doing and all the came along with that, yet he still pursued his wife as a husband ought to. I can’t imagine the humility Hosea must have had and even the pain he felt, but he still loved her. That’s how I’ve been treating God and I think it’s time I got back on track, whether others like it or not. This is between God and I and I need to make amends with him.
Please pray for me as I am enduring a terrible time. Please pray that my relationship with God strengthens and ignites once more. Please pray for my relationship with this other person; it’s so hard to explain, but I’ll leave it as more of an outspoken request for a relationship with a good friend.